Hate Public Speaking? Try This Ancient Solution
The Stoics mastered emotional regulation through rational thinking.
Of the hundreds of kids sitting crisscrossed on our auditorium floor, Bill Nye the Science Guy calls on me to answer a question. I want to die.
Seconds earlier, I was a happy observer watching him mix colorful experiments. Now he’s made me the center of attention. I freeze and pray he’s talking to someone else.
“You,” he points at me. “The girl in the striped shirt.”
My cheeks burn and I glance around, desperate to find another girl in stripes.
Bill eventually moves on.
Over the years I’ve learned to become a much more confident communicator.
But back then, I had no language for the anxiety I felt. Like most people I work with, I tried to suppress it, which made my speaking anxiety worse. Life doesn’t have to be like this.
If you want to look and feel more calm and confident when you speak, learn how to cultivate a Stoic mindset. (Learn more about Stoicism).
There’s nothing to fear but fear itself
You’ve likely heard President Franklin D. Roosevelt’s famous line, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
The idea that our worries are usually worse than what actually happens goes back at least to the ancient Stoics.
Nearly 2,000 years ago, Seneca said: “We suffer more in imagination than in reality.”
People come to me and say, “I’ve always hated public speaking. But I’m at the point in my career where I need to move past this. I just don’t know what to do.”
Often, we feel a vague sense of dread about speaking up but don’t question why or what’s going on with us internally.
Consider what speaking situations make you nervous:
Is it the audience? Are you nervous about speaking in front of leadership?
Is it the situation? Do you have first-date jitters?
Is it the context? Do you feel fine in discussions but then freak out during presentations?
Why do these public speaking scenarios make you nervous? Is it the fear of being judged, saying the wrong thing, not being heard, or something else?
When you get more specific about your fear, you can challenge its validity, and make it more manageable.
Dr. Dan Siegel says that identifying and naming our emotions lessens their intensity. “Name it to tame it.”
But what we call emotions are simply our brain's interpretations of what’s going on. Our brain doesn’t know the difference between excited and anxious, so we can choose to focus on another flavor. Are you anxious? Excited? Determined?
How to manage your public speaking anxiety with Stoic thinking
Most people accept their thoughts as facts – “They’re all going to laugh at you!” – and let these worries swirl around in their heads.
Thoughts are simply judgments you’re making based on your assumptions and/or previous experience. And our emotions are born out of these judgments.
The Stoics said we need to challenge our worries and vices to see them for what they really are.
You can use this simple Stoic theory of emotions to manage your speaking anxiety.
Initial impression: Something happens and makes an initial impression on you. For example, your heart starts racing as you step up to the podium. This is an instinctive, immediate response to what is perceived as a dangerous situation. The Stoics would describe the increased heart rate as a pre-emotion, something out of your hands.
Evaluate: Take a step back and evaluate your first impression. Is your reaction rational? Is it in line with reality? Are you in danger? We’re bringing in the logical side of our brain.
Assent to the impression (or don’t): Agree your first impression was true, or reject it based on rational thinking. Most likely public speaking does not put your life at immediate risk, so we’re going to reject our initial impression.
Emotional response: Our emotions are based on our judgments of the situation. If you (irrationally) agree your life is in danger, you’ll stay in a panic (a negative emotion, or, ‘passion’ as the Stoics call them). If you reject that your life is in danger, you open up space for other thoughts, such as: “People showed up because they are curious about my ideas” or “I’m here to share new ideas and start a conversation. This is not a performance evaluation.” This more rational thought leads to more positive emotions.
Let’s break it down with an example.
Fear of presenting in front of colleagues
Michelle spent hours the day before revising her slides on the latest product launch. She knows her stuff and has a great relationship with her colleagues. Despite this, as she stands to begin her presentation, she experiences a rush of anxiety.
Initial impressions (pre-emotions)
As Michelle faces her audience, her heart races and she begins to sweat. This is her body's instinctual fight-or-flight response, a pre-emotion that is natural but not in her direct control.
Evaluate the impression
Michelle recognizes these sensations as signs of anxiety. These cues remind her to take a step back and evaluate what’s going on. She asks herself, “Am I really in danger?”
Challenge the impression
Michelle understands that while her physical reactions are real, she’s not in physical harm. She chooses not to assent to the false impression she’s under threat.
To help her calm down, she reminds herself she’s safe and uses techniques like belly breathing and visualizing her legs as strong tree trunks rooted in the ground.
Stoicism encourages you to embrace your current circumstances, no matter how challenging they may be; focus your energy on what you can control; and accept what you can’t.
So Michelle decides to focus on the fact that she came prepared and to stop assuming how others might react.
Identifying the root fear
Later, when Michelle journals about this, she realizes she was worrying that her colleagues would think she was dumb. But then she takes a step back and sees that this isn’t a rational fear.
On performance reviews her boss and co-workers have given her top marks for innovation. She has evidence to challenge the false impression that her colleagues don’t think she’s smart.
Consider more useful thoughts
And let’s say she just started the job and doesn’t have those great performance reviews yet. Michelle can still replace her unhelpful thought with a more useful and believable one like, “I worked hard on this presentation and I know my colleagues want to hear this information.”
Courage isn’t the absence of fear
If you’re afraid of public speaking, remember this is a common struggle and you’re not alone. With practice, anyone can learn to become a more calm, confident speaker.
Courage, a core Stoic virtue, isn’t the absence of fear but willingness to act despite it. It’s about stepping into the arena, regardless of the tremors in your hands or the flutter in your heart. It’s about speaking up for what’s right, even when your voice shakes.
Equally important is the virtue of wisdom – the ability to discern what’s in your control and what’s not.
When it comes to public speaking, you might not have complete control over how others perceive you, but you can influence them by how you present yourself. This involves not only preparing slides but also managing your mindset.
And while your initial surge of speaking nerves may not be up to you, you’re not at the mercy of them. Rationally question your anxious responses like a Stoic would.
“Am I in danger here? No, this is an opportunity to show the world what I’m made of.”
Would you love to start speaking with more calm confidence? If you’re ready to get over speaking anxiety, conflict avoidance, and other introvert issues, let’s talk. Visit sarahmikutel.com to learn more about how I can help you.